who Can we trust?

To Trust or Not to Trust

Trust can be hard to judge. Both choices carry risk, especially when deceit and betrayal are common. Even so, most people need trusted friends who will stand by them in hard times. About 2,000 years ago, the Roman writer Phaedrus summed it up in a single line, “To trust or not to trust is perilous.”

Trusting Can Be Risky

Trust can expose you to harm when the wrong person takes advantage. One psychology magazine warned that some who prey on trust act like “predators” who use charm and changeable behaviour to mislead, control, and damage the lives of others. With people like that around, blind trust is unsafe.

People who trust too easily can be tricked and pushed into choices that hurt them. A well-known case involves Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of Sherlock Holmes. In 1917, two young girls, Elsie Wright and her cousin Frances Griffiths, claimed they had played with fairies in the garden of their home in Cottingley, England. They even produced photographs as proof.

After the death of his son, Conan Doyle took a strong interest in spiritism. He accepted the girls’ story as true, and many others did too. About 55 years later, the two admitted it was a hoax. They had cut the “fairies” from a book and used them in the photographs. Frances Griffiths later said she couldn’t understand why anyone believed it. “How on earth anyone could be so gullible as to believe that they were real was always a mystery to me.”

This shows a common trap. People can accept a story because they want it to be true. Author Norman Moss put it plainly, “We can be fooled simply because our perceptions are dulled by habit, and we look at things through half-closed eyes… Sometimes, we accept a thing as true because it is something we want to be true.” Demosthenes made a similar point centuries earlier, “The easiest thing of all is to deceive one’s self, for what a man wishes he generally believes to be true.” Trust based only on feelings can mislead.

It’s easy to dismiss this as an extreme case. Still, deception is not limited to the naïve. Careful, sensible people also get taken in by those who seem reliable.

Not Trusting Can Be Risky Too

Refusing to trust anyone has its own cost. Distrust can act like rust. It eats away at relationships that could have been warm and close. Deep cynicism and fixed suspicion can leave a person unhappy and alone. Samuel Johnson captured the price of constant distrust, “It is happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”

Ongoing distrust may also affect physical health. Many people know that anger can raise the risk of heart problems. Some research suggests cynicism and distrust can also play a part. A women’s magazine reported, “People who fly off the handle easily aren’t the only ones who may increase their chances of developing heart disease because of their behaviour. New research indicates that even subtle forms of hostility, such as a tendency to be cynical and distrustful, can put you at risk.”

Consider Your Steps Carefully

A practical approach avoids both extremes. One proverb warns that an inexperienced person believes every word, while a shrewd person watches their steps. That is not bitter cynicism. It is a clear reminder to be careful. Only someone very naïve trusts every claim they hear.

William Shakespeare offered similar advice, “Trust not to rotten planks.” If a bridge plank might be weak, stepping on it without checking would be reckless. The same principle applies to trust. Think before you place it.

A useful habit is to test what people say, not to swallow it whole. One ancient comparison notes that the ear tests words the way the mouth tastes food. Most people taste food before they swallow. In the same way, check a person’s words and actions before you accept them as true. A genuine person won’t be offended by fair questions or basic checks.

A Scottish proverb warns against repeated deception, “He that deceives me once, shame fall him; if he deceives me twice, shame fall me.” The first time may be their fault. The second time may be yours.

The apostle Paul also urged people to test what they hear. The term he used carried the sense of checking metals to confirm they were real. Buyers who failed to test could be fooled by “fool’s gold”, something that looks valuable but is worthless.

Be Reasonable and Balanced

Caution should not turn into constant suspicion. Don’t rush to assume bad motives. Misreading motives can destroy strong relationships in days. In most cases, it’s better to believe your friends mean well, especially when things get tense.

Make room for human weakness and honest mistakes. Writer Kristin von Kreisler explained the nature of betrayal, “Betrayal by a friend means a violation of trust.” Even so, she noted that some betrayals are not planned. They may happen through weakness and be deeply regretted later. Her advice is direct, “Don’t dwell on the betrayal, or let it keep you from trusting others.” One painful experience should not take away the good that comes from healthy trust.

Keep your eyes open, but don’t shut people out. A cautious person stays alert. At the same time, Doctor Redford Williams suggested a better habit, assume others are trying their best, try to see their view, and “practise trusting others” when it makes sense. Sometimes trusting a little too much costs less than never trusting at all.

One proverb acknowledges that some companions will harm and exploit others. There are plenty of such people. Still, if you give others time to show their character, you can find friends who stay close and prove loyal.

A Place for Complete Trust

Total trust is rare among people. Even strong bonds can be tested. Yet complete trust is possible when it is placed in the right source. The next article will look at where trust can rest without fear of being used or betrayed.